Look Inside Yourself
by catlover210
Summary: The Doctor has mastered hiding his feeling from the outside world. When he meets a sick girl who can't hold her feelings back how does he react? Can he manage to help her or will it hurt too much? This takes place a long time after season seven, but the doctor hasn't regenerated yet. Light T so far for self harm and emotions. THE LAST UPDATE WAS A GLITCH there is now a 4th/5th ch.
1. Prologe

**hi, thanks for clicking on my story. This is the prologue, so it is like the part before the theme song. I really want feedback so please review even if it is one sentence. Thanks! Bon Appitite!  
**

**Prologue**

I slumped to the ground and felt what was left of the happiness in my soul get suck out as the voice of a devil pierced me to the ground.

"Nooooooooooo!" I screamed my voice horse "He was the last one, the last one!" The devils that had destroyed my life attempted to comfort me. My mother, father, brother, grandfather, grandmother all of my family were gone because of them. I attempted to punch one but I was blocked. I winced; there would probably be a bruise on my wrist in addition to the cuts that I had inflicted on myself. Every one I met died! I had no one left to love me, no one at all. I was going to get new guardians but even as I became attached to them they would die like everyone else I began to love.

I wondered what I could do next to try and spare my life because the devils would never hurt me unless I hurt them. Self-defense they called it, well what good would that do. Constant beats to my battered soul left me defenseless. The only thing I had left was rage and grief. I started thinking about how my life was before this all happened. I wish I could go back there, just go back to playing checkers with my grandfather. One then hit me and I snapped back to reality. Her eyes widened as I punched her in the nose. Red, sticky blood poured onto her white uniform and the polished white tiles. I saw her scream but all I heard was a buzzing in my ears telling me to get out. The hat I had on concealing my matted, oily, frizzing hair fell off as I ran out the doors of the hospital. I screamed back at them "Doctors and nurses do nothing but kill! This is all because you couldn't save them, YOU NEVER SAVE THEM! None of my family and my friends!" I spun around and almost bumped into another devil. "And you too! Why couldn't you protect my friends! They were the only constant things left in my life but you let them die!" I dodged his grasp and taser and ran away. I saw many more behind him. Before they could shoot me I spotted a van with a ladder and other supplies around it. I ran over and franticly scrambled up it. I did not feel fear, just the weight of sadness and anger. They wouldn't kill me I knew that for sure. Ducking under the ladder I screamed, "People consider you a hero but you really aren't all you do is murder! What is the use of police like you anyway! You had the power to stop them but you didn't! My friends didn't have to die, but you made them. I screamed on dissing them and worse. They weren't listening to me any more! I heard whispers of their conversation.

"Crazy"

"Insane"

"Not extremely dangerous"

"Signs before"

It did not matter what they said for they were murders anyway. They were still after me. If I were caught they would send me to sleep and send me somewhere and keep me away locked from the cruel reality, from the real world where I have lost everything. Still I would be surrounded by these devils. I would not like living either of those lives I would rather die and I will do that.

I crawled to the edge of the truck. There was a fire escape that I could reach if I jumped. I propelled myself off the truck and grabbed onto the fire escape. I ran, stubbing up five flights of stairs when I was high enough I put one foot against the railing, it slipped and the fire escape cut me and screamed "There is nothing left to live for anymore! You murders have done it not only to everyone I know but to my soul!" I put my other leg onto the railing, fought instinct and let myself fall. "Finally free, finally free, soon will I be finally free." I relaxed and looked down to the ground, but their wasn't any ground just the doors of a blue 1960's police box racing towards me abnormally fast.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The girl's eyes fluttered open. She was no older than sixteen but her face was full of creases. She had a gash across her forehead. There was a bruise on her wrist and many cuts up and down both arms. Her hair was a tangled mess. It was shiny and oily on the tops but the bottoms were tangled and dry. She was in a large, dome shaped room. Hexagon shaped lights was placed all over it. She was lying on an extended captains chair. Brass restraints bound her wrists and ankles to the chair. She pushed against them screaming. A well-dressed man wearing a bowtie, tweed jacket and dress pants entered her view.

"Ello," he said in a British accent. " 'Bout time you woke up!"

"Let me go!" screamed the girl horsy.

"Well," said the man "If I did you would probably hurt me, and I don't want that to happen."

"I need to get out of here!"

"I'm afraid not love, not today."

From her restraints the girl lashed out, grabbing his coat. The man reached inside it and pulled out what looked like a flashlight with clamps on the light. He pressed it against her forehead; the light turned on and made a buzzing noise. The girl's eyes closed and her body relaxed. She was asleep again. The man sighed and pocketed the light. He just sat there staring at her. Suddenly the girl began to cry. Deep long sobs came from her mouth. He touched her hand it was freezing cold. He grabbed a blanket from beside the chair and draped it over her. The man continued to study her, as he studied her the sobs became hiccups and eventually stopped. The man took out the green light and scanned her again. He turned around and walked over to a green counsel. It was round with many knick-knacks all around it. There was a tape recorder, keyboard, many leavers and a television hanging from the ceiling. The man walked around it, pressing buttons and pulling levers. It was obvious the touch of the machine gave him energy. "TARDIS" he whispered, "you are the only one I have left because everyone else dies. I vowed not to become attached to anyone else a long ago but I can't help it. But I have to because they all die eventually. It is so hard! But that doesn't mean I can't help them live."

He typed in medical scan on the keyboard. The TV came on. On the screen it said, "Insert species of patient." He selected human.

"Processing" said the TV.

The man sat there silently fiddling with his bowtie. The TV screen said, "There are no physical ailments, try again?" He typed in yes, and then typed the delete button repeatedly.

"No, no, cancel!" he muttered under his breath. The TV turned off.

Frustrated, the man walked back over to the girl. He stared at her for a few seconds, than began shaking her arm gently. "Uh… Hello?" he said, "You don't have to open your eyes, just listen" It was too late. The girl's eyes opened snapping with green electricity.

"Can't you see," she screamed, "I just want to get out of here! I just want to go back to my old life!"

"Shhh," said the man " just listen to me."

"No!" screamed the girl "I will not listen, not ever to any of you devils!"

The man's pupils contracted as he remembered when he had said similar words laced with hate to his own enemy.

"I scare you now don't I!" She snarled "Finally I have managed to scare you!" She fought the restraints. "All humans deserve to die!"

The man fought the hard ball of anger building in between his hearts. He had fought so hard to protect humans, and now one of their children wanted to kill their own kind! The only thing that kept him in control of his emotions was the fact that this child was not in control of hers. He quietly took a deep breath and calmed down.

"I'm sorry." He said softly as he pressed the green light against her forehead. The girl's body calmed but her eyes still flashed with anger.

"I'm so, so sorry but I had to do that. I want to help you, I swear."

The girl couldn't speak, but her eyes showed sarcasm.

The man sighed and said "I'm going to go inside your mind now." He leaned over her and pressed his fingers against her temples. His bangs tickled her face, but she didn't laugh, she didn't sneeze, she just stared at him with an expression of pure rage on her face.


	3. Chapter 2

**Hope you are enjoying so far, please review! Sil-tu-plait?**

**Chapter 2**

In her mind there was fire burning at a long, empty hallway full of closed doors seeming like they ran all the way down it. The man knew the doors blocked memories from his view. The ceiling and walls were stained black and the floor was covered with a thick layer of ash.

The man remembered Madame de Pompadours mind was a ballroom with beautiful music playing in the background. The wonder of her mind reflected her personality. He also let her down, but he pushed that to the back of his mind. He had to go on, no matter how much it hurt.

Where the fire had burned away at the doors there was deep blackness, like polluted water. The fire pushed at him burning with fury. It hurt and he had to get away from it.

The man stumbled back. He was back in the room called the T.A.R.D.I.S. He head pounded for a second from the mental push.

"Well you," he said with a small smirk, "are certainty strong."

The girl just sat there.

"I don't know much about the way a human mind works with emotions and thoughts even though I am called the doc…" he stopped himself remembering this girls anger at doctors and police men. He'll have to warn Martha not to mention that she was a doctor. He couldn't help her but maybe a human doctor could.

The girl was still. That was abnormal, but she was still watching him observing every movement he made. The doctor wondered why she was so calm. Oops! He had temporarily paralyzed her and forgotten to undo it. Even this late in this incarnation he was forgetful and clumsy. He grabbed the light out of his pocket and pointed it at her. The girl's muscles tensed. Before she could say anything the doctor said firmly

"Do. Not. Yell. If you scream and yell at me I will put you to sleep again with my sonic screwdriver." He flipped the green light.

With a voice as sharp as a knife she said, "Who are you."

"I can't tell you now."

"Am I," she whispered "in a hospital?"

She said hospital in the way one would say death camp.

"No," he said, "I am taking you somewhere where I can help you."

"I don't need help!" screamed the girl, unable to control her emotions screamed profanity at him.

"The doctor silent and emotionless pointed his sonic screwdriver at her. The girls breathing slowed.

"Well," said the man "off we go to Martha's!"


	4. Chapter 3

**Hi guys! Sorry it took so long to update. I have been super busy with Hanukkah and school work. Hopefully I will be able to update more often now.  
Reveiw and tell me what you think about it and how you think Martha will reacts. Thanks to everyone for reviewing!  
**

**Chapter 3**

The door opened.

"Mickey Mouse!" the doctor exclaimed throwing his arms around the startled man. Mickey was shocked and waved his hands around in the air before pushing the Doctor off him.

"Who the hell are you? Martha come here! Do you know this man?"

A woman in her early thirties appeared in the doorframe. Her thick dark hair was thrown into a messy bun at the top of her head. She had on large baggy sweatpants and an oversize flannel shirt. The brown milky coffee she was holding matched her and Mickey's skin tones.

"No." she said puzzled.

"Are you sure?" asked Mickey.

"Yea! Why don't you believe me?"

"You aren't cheating on me are you?" teased Mickey.

"No," Martha purred, "no one could be better than you."

The flirting would have gone on but the doctor rapped on the doorframe.

"Ah, yes." Said Martha embarrassed. She snapped back to her normal military personality. "Who are you and how do you know Mickey?"

"Like so." Said the Doctor taking off his bowtie.

"What? No." said Martha, surprised. "But no, what? How?"

"What?" said Mickey, surprised to see Martha so stunned.

The Doctor smiled, finding their confusion amusing.

"It's" Martha paused. "The" she reached behind the doorframe.

The Doctor and Mickey heard a click. The doctor rolled his eyes. Of course he had a gun pointed at him.

"Who are you and what happened to the Doctor?"

"The Doctor?" said Mickey.

"Mickey," said the Doctor "remember regeneration? Where I changed my face?"

"Martha," said Mickey "Put down the gun." Hesitantly Martha placed the gun on a nearby table. It was obvious her hands itched to hold it.

"Time Lords," said the Doctor "have a way of cheating death. I change my whole body. I get a new everything even personality. It has been a while since I last regenerated." A shadow quickly passed over his face. It disappeared. "When you both saw me standing on the platform that was right before I regenerated."

Something clicked in Martha's head. "Doctor!" she exclaimed. "It's been 10 years!"

"Even longer for me."

"Oh just come here." Said Martha offering him a hug. He gladly accepted.

"So" said Mickey interruption the silence. "I have a feeling you didn't just come here to visit."

"Yes" said the Doctor detaching himself from Martha. " I need to tell you before I show you."

"Come in," said Martha. "I'll put the kettle on."`

Martha, Mickey and the Doctor walked inside. The Doctor noticed that there was a hole in the doorframe where Martha had pulled out the gun. Typical human-y thing. It was probably Mickey that enforced that. Martha wasn't a big fan of using guns. Martha turned into a room that was a kitchen and Mickey led the Doctor into a messy living room. As the Doctor sat down Mickey hastily tried to clean papers off the chairs, couch and floor. "Martha just got back from a trip to Africa. She has been trying to catch up on paperwork." He explained

"Why was she in Africa? I thought you two were freelancers."

"We stopped doing that a while ago. Martha now tries to figure out if there is any alien way to cure human diseases."

"Perfect. She is just what I need. What happened to that fellow Thomas Milligan?" The Doctor said quickly.

"Oh" said Mickey blushing "She got divorced. He was more interested in working with non-terrestrial things. Even after she stopped working with UNIT and free-lancing with me she still was curious about that type of stuff. Thomas couldn't deal with her doing that stuff. She feels bad so don't talk about it with her." He said this all very fast.

"Oh" said the Doctor awkwardly. "Why are you living with her?"

"Uh Doctor we are married…"

"You are?"

"Yeah..."

Martha walked in unaware of the awkwardness. "Last time you were as thin as a piece of paper now you look like a nerdy history professor. What's up with the bowtie?"

"Bowties are cool!"

"Uh no they're not." Said Mickey.

"They are! Anyway, I didn't come here to discuss my fashion sense. I need your help Martha."

"With what?" asked Martha.

"Well, there is this girl. I should start at the beginning or it won't make sense." Said the Doctor.

"I had just finished dealing with some stray cybermen when I saw police cars heading towards an area. I was curious and decided to check it out on the TARDIS's screen. I saw a tattered looking girl standing on a fire escape. She was about to jump. She seemed possessed or something. I flew the TARDIS to catch her. Assuming she was possessed I put her in restraints. She was unconscious, I figured from a gash on her head. When she was awake she was in a rage. She did not have any of the common symptoms of possession though. It could be a human disease. She is not physically harmed in any way other then some cuts on her wrists, probably from something attacking her."

The Doctor paused wondering what would cut its victims on the wrists.

"What do you think she was fighting?"

"I don't know. Just let me get on with her story." Said the Doctor

"I watched the tapes from before she went outside. After being delivered the news her grandfather was dead she had gone into a rage. She was hurting everyone who tried to touch her or comfort her. Actually they are nearly the same thing. The touch of a living…"

"Is this going anywhere?" asked Mickey.

"Yes." said the Doctor turning red slightly "I was getting there. She tends to have an especial anger towards doctors, nurses, and police officers. She runs outside and tries to commit suicide."

"What was she yelling?" Asked Martha.

"I will just show you the video."

"I went inside her mind. She has a very angry personality." The Doctor went on to explain how her memories were blocked from view and disappearing."

"What?" asked Mickey

"I can read minds, Time Lord-y thing."

"Is there any other information on her?"

"No. Apparently she was passed from relative to relative. I don't know why. Her government records are in bits and pieces."

"Doctor, do you even know her name?" asked Martha

"No, she should tell us when she's ready."

"Her name?" said Mickey

"Names are important." said the Doctor

"Err." Said Martha surprised at the Doctors' sudden darkness. "Can we uh, see her now?"

"Yes. Just don't mention you are a doctor."

"Ok." Martha looked down at her rumpled clothing "Can I change?"

"Yeah."

As Martha went upstairs the Doctor turned to Mickey and said

"You shouldn't come."

"Why?"

"Anything can set her off. The less people the better." There was a small hint in his tone of voice that there was more depth to his statement that those words.

"Ok, fine." Mickey growled also turning to go upstairs.

The Doctor leaned against the door completely oblivious to Mickey's disappointment.


	5. Chapter 4

**Oh my gosh. I am so sorry I haven't updated. I have been really lazy and busy so I haven't updated in forever. Good news is I started the next chapter. Because of the new design of the Tardis I changed the design of this one! Enjoy! **

**Also thanks to PhoenixWormwood137 for betaing this chapter!**

**Chapter 4**

Martha stepped inside the TARDIS. **  
**

"Wow!" She said**.** **"**You've redecorated!**"**

"Yep!" said the Doctor, popping the p.

Martha turned around**,** admiring the soft blue coloring and beautiful Gallifreyanwriting.

"Come on!" said the Doctor, bored. He had seen this stuff for the past couple hundred years. He didn't want to waste time now, especially when there was stuff to do.

When Martha saw the girl her face sobered. Seeing the girls' condition**,** she went into doctor mode**,** checking for anything from broken bones to the flu. Martha hovered above the cuts on her wrists. Martha knew what they were and was surprised the Doctor didn't. "An old child**,**" she thought sadly.

"Doctor**,**" she said**,** feeling like she was having "the talk" with a child. "Do you know what suicidal or self-harming means?"

"Well, suicidal means someone is willing to sacrifice themselves to help others. Self harming means someone is klutzy and accidentally hurts themselves a lot."

Martha suppressed an untimely giggle. He really was a child.

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"Suicidal means someone wants to kill themselves because the dislike life or themselves."

The Doctors eyes widened.

Wanting to get it over with, Martha continued. "Self-harming means someone purposely hurts or cuts themselves usually on the arms or legs to feel another type of pain other than emotional." Martha wanted to quickly change the subject. She was usually good with this type of stuff, but with the Doctor it was… different. "Have you taken off her clothes to examine her yet?"

"What? No!" Said the Doctor**,** blushing a deep red**.**

"It's not a big deal. I need to change her clothes anyway. It is unhealthy to be that dirty." Martha was relieved that she didn't have to explain more about the Doctor**'**s new vocabulary.

Destroying that thought**,** the Doctor said, "Don't change the subject. Why would anyone want to do that?"

"Uh, there is something that doesn't work in their brain or they went through something bad that they don't know how to deal with."

"Oh**,**" **s**aid the Doctor**,** obviously wanting more information but not wanting to ask. He continued to speak**.** "I don't want to wake her up yet, so I will show you the video.**"**

As she watched**,** her expressions showed how shocked she was at how much anger a young human could have. She looked at the Doctor when it was finished.

"Do you feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"I feel like there is some sort of extraterrestrial presence**,**" **s**aid Martha**.**

The Doctor checked his arms out of habit.

Martha looked confused but continued**,** "Something those people couldn't feel from lack of alien contact, and you couldn't feel from exposure.**"**

"Hmm**,**" said the Doctor. "I'll take your word for it."

**"**Let's not focus on that now. I need to get her changed, bandaged and examine her. She has an open wound and that can get infected. Can you point me to the closet?"

"Yes, down that hall to the right. The bathroom is across the hall. You can find some medical supplies in there also.**"** He turned to the console and Martha set out down the hall. Neither one saw the girls face slowly turn to a grimace of pain.

**Yes, I know I touched upon delicate subjects in here. Please if you dislike the way I explained them tell me nicely. I used what I knew and I am young and have not been exposed much to these types of things. On a lighter note the next chapter should be up in a few weeks! Please review and I will give you Internet hugs!**


End file.
